Good Guy with a Gun #208: Taylor, TX
Beast of burden. Hail Satan knife. Hip shot. Church Lady dance. What the hell am I talking about? Read on. | Original incident: May 27, 2026
These posts are based on our Good Guy with a Gun calendar. Today’s post is essentially the same as the calendar version.
Hell’s Bells! What was he thinking?
Austin Sumpter was a 23-year-old from Thrall. “Thrall” means “servant” or “slave,” of course, and it turns out that “Sumpter” is Old English for “pack animal.”
This Beast of Burden carried a knife; on its sheath were the words “Hail Satan.” He tried to force his way into a house. The homeowner, having no Sympathy for the Devil and no fiddle to bargain with, called 911.
Unfortunately, Sumpter broke in before the police reached them.
Fortunately, the homeowner had a gun and shot Sumpter the Satanist in the hip. (He’s lucky that bullet didn’t put him on the Highway to Hell.) Law enforcement arrived to find Sumpter lying on the porch.
He was charged with burglary of a habitation with commission of a felony. And I imagine the Pack Animal from Servant thought it was really cool to have “Hail Satan” on his knife. Which makes me really enjoy his absolutely pathetic mug shot.
No charges were brought against the homeowner.
Is that Dana Carvey’s Church Lady echoing in my ears? Join me, boys!
Sources
Primary source
Taylor PD posted their report to Facebook. They were kind enough to post an image of it as well, which I’ll paste here in case the Facebook post goes away.
Here’s a comment thread on the Taylor PD’s post. It’s hearsay, so I wouldn’t claim it’s true or put it in the main article, but if this really isn’t the first time he’s done this then it’s good that he had significant repercussions this time.
Local news
Good coverage on this one, probably because of the knife. They all give roughly the same details: Taylor Press, Fox 4, Fox 7, the Austin American-Statesman (archived), KVUE, and CBS Austin.
2A / Specialist media
Colion Noir and Sean Holt at USACarry covered this story, as did Law Officer and the Guns America blog.
Smoke Tales also cast their strange spell on me with their coverage.